My Lifesong » Familia

I need healing….

Jose — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 06:27:26 +0000

Quien Soy? Que Es Mi Identitad?

Jose — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 06:13:03 +0000

This past weekend, I was fortunate to meet my little brother Roy. He’s 14-years old. And I met him for the first time last week Wednesday.

It’s not his fault. It’s partially mine. Partially our father’s. I don’t have a relationship with my dad. We rarely talk. I haven’t seen him in at least 16 years. When he left, he left. I tried to have a relationship with him…but it seems to be a one-sided notion.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve accepted the situation and I’ve moved on. I have a Heavenly Father to whom I turn to, who holds me and loves me. God has placed friends and family in my life to let me know how much He loves me.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love my father. We just don’t have a relationship.

And because of that, I’ve never considered my little brother or sister. Roy is 14, and he is the spitting image of me. Some of his habits and mannerisms are the same. It’s uncanny. And I’ve yet to meet Vivi. She’s 4 going on 5. And I’ve stayed out of their lives. Not maliciously. Not to hurt them. Just didn’t think I was wanted.

Roy changed all that. He let my older siblings know that he wanted to meet me. To have a relationship with me. So I called him. Started the process. We talked. Connected on facebook.

And last weekend, we met. Our older brother – Chuy – came up to visit our sister Linda. They stopped by here a few days before heading north. Roy stayed with me through Saturday and we drove up to Beecher to meet up with everyone else. It was a fun time. I think we connected well. And I hope it’s the start of some healing that I need.

You see, in my efforts to stop the hurt and the pain, I shuttered some things deep inside of me. Even though God has redeemed me, I still carry this around. I never realized the extent until this happened. And all I can do is turn it over to God, let Him have it, and wait for Him to work on me some more.

I think this all happened before the trip for a reason. God has broken me down for a reason. Again. Cause every year, He does this to me. And I’m good with that, cause I know that in the Potter’s Hands, I’m alright.

To Iowa and Back

Jose — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 04:37:16 +0000

Nicole and I went to Iowa this weekend for the Fangman Family Reunion, and it was a good weekend. I didn’t golf again this year, although I think that next year I will. My plan is to get good enough to shoot 50-55 (I think par for the 9-hole course is 35), and with the handicap I have from the horrible outing I had a few years ago, I might be able to win the thing. Who knows? But…with school starting up at the end of August, I doubt it’ll happen until 2012. We’ll see.

Anyways, it was good seeing family and reconnecting. The meal was delicious, and since it was a Mexican themed meal, we had pastel de tres leches. It was soo good!! After the reunion, we went back to Nicole’s aunt’s house to watch some fireworks. Sunday we headed down to CR and had lunch with Erica, Ben and Darla before heading over to Gilbert and Jill’s to hang out for a little bit.

Even though we may not see each other very often, it recharges my batteries when I spend time with Gilbert. He is my best friend, and he’s my brother. I’m glad to have him play those roles for me.

I hope they are able to come visit sometime soon – there are roller coasters to be ridden at Six Flags.

Life Goes On, and So Do We

Jose — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 19:55:21 +0000

Over the last week or so, I have reconnected (sort-of) with people from my past who made a lasting impression on me. What I mean by sort-of is that I have connected with them through their wives. While facebook is meant for connecting with people, Twitter is a weird way of going about it. Through Twitter, I found the wife of my high school Geometry teacher/Mathlete coach. Mr. Stockdale was a great teacher, and he really invested in me. For the four years I was in high school, he was always ready with a listening ear and sage advice. He believed in me and encouraged me to do my best. I know that teachers are “supposed” to do that, but in reality, many don’t. But Mr. Stockdale did. When I graduated, I remember thanking him for all that he did.

And a few years later, I was embarrassed to take his order at Dairy Queen. Yet…he wasn’t judgmental. We talked, and he asked about what I had done, and he sympathized with my failing my freshman year. And yet…he still believed in me. He didn’t say anything earth shaking to me as far as advice goes….but he did talk to me like he KNEW I was going to get back on my feet academically. Well, he was right. While I have not yet gotten my degree, I’m almost there.

The second person I have connected with is my old paster Dave. I often think of him from time to time. He helped me on my path to Christ by spending time with me, answering questions, and praying with and for me. He helped me crack open the Bible and read it. He mentored me, discipled me, and loved me like Jesus. He was the one who baptized me, and he was the one who comforted me when Mom passed. He was my brother.

And when our church imploded with in-fighting (I don’t know details, don’t care to know them, but it was painful), he left for Crown Point, and I was lost. I got burned by the church…but I didn’t give up on God. In Iowa, we found a church. And then we moved to Indy. And Traders Point. And the high school ministry.

And that is where reconnecting with Dave comes in. Last night, in our life group, we shared some stuff. I shared how God got me through my mom’s passing. And Dave came to mind. He was at the funeral, and he helped me see God’s beauty, even in the broken. He helped me realize that God was there with me. And that He would always be there.

So, when I got home, I searched for Dave on facebook, and found his wife. I sent a message. And reconnected.

It’s funny how God brings people into your life for a season, but their impression lasts for a lifetime. These two gentlemen were instrumental in me getting to where I am right now, and I am deeply indebted to them. More importantly, I am thankful that God used them to do His work.

Back Home Again In Iowa

Jose — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 18:43:16 +0000

We are back in Des Moines to celebrate Nicole’s mom’s 60th birthday. The last time were here was October 2007. We don’t get back to Iowa very often, and it’s even rarer to get to Des Moines. So, we will enjoy it while we can.
I hope this party goes well. A good many people are coming to celebrate Mary Pat’s birthday, and she deserves it. Hopefully the rain stays away.
We stopped in Coralville to eat at favorite place – Panchero’s! We then went to the mall to walk around a little bit. We found a store that sells Iowa t-shirts – buy 1 get 2 free!! So we stocked up.
I love being home.

My Jonathan

Jose — Fri, 08 May 2009 15:40:00 +0000

Yesterday I sat at Starbucks for about two hours catching up with my friend Matt Mehaffey. He was in town and we were able to get together to catch up on each other’s lives.

As we sat there and talked, my mind drifted back to the time we drove down to Florida for the High School Ministry’s Spring Break. Our friendship was in its early stages, and it really blossomed that week. I had the late driving shift, so as we were making our way through Alabama on down through Panama City, Matt rode shotgun. While everyone else slept, Matt and I conversed and we really got to know each other. I’m normally a private person with parts of my life, but with Matt, I shared a lot of my past and he did as well. It was a great conversation, and the rest of the week just drew us closer.

Later on that year, Matt and Janie invited Nicole and I to be part of a new small group with them and the Fergusons. We accepted the invitation and became part of something really special. When the Bowman’s came aboard a few months later, our group was complete.

When Matt and Janie announced their call to Miami to plant a church, I was happy for them…and sad that such great friends were going to leave us. We eagerly jumped aboard with supporting the Pursuit, and that eagerness will never subside. It was a bittersweet day when we said goodbye to them when they left.

As Matt and I talked, I realized that Matt is one of my Jonathans. He is a great friend who supports me and isn’t afraid to keep me in check. We can talk about anything, and even if we go months without talking (other than Twitter), we pick up right where we left off. He is a great brother in Christ.

As we said our goodbyes, I felt that bittersweet feeling again. It didn’t last long. You see, (to borrow a line from MercyMe), “In Christ, there are no goodbyes.” It’s always “until we’re together again.”

As I drove away from Starbucks, I felt refreshed and re-energized. God has a way of doing that through family.

One Month To Live

Jose — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 12:31:53 +0000

Eleven years ago my mother succumbed to cancer. The memories of the days leading up to and after her passing are still clear as day in my head. I remember that Friday night before she passed, and the laughter and love that filled her hospital room. Those memories I will always cherish.

Last week at Catalyst we started a series entitled "One Month To Live," and you can guess what the topic covers. I turned 34 last month, and I have come face to face with my mortality. I'm not sick or anything, but I realized that I need to change some things so that I can live a life that honors God better. I am overweight by about 60 lbs, and I eat horribly. I don't exercise, and I am sick of it. Last month Nicole and I joined LA Fitness, and we are working with trainers to get on track. My friends are holding me accountable, and are being really supportive. Even Neil. Last week we got together for Guy's night, and one pointed out that I was eating better when he saw my carrots and water.

Another motivating factor? I want to be the man my mother always dreamed I'd be. She believed I would be a success in whatever I did. Even though she didn't understand why I left Catholicism when I became a Christian, she never harassed me over it. All she ever did was attempt to provide my siblings and I the opportunity to live better lives than what she had lived.

So, if I had 30 days to live, what would I do? Spend time with family and friends, share God's love and Christ's gift with everyone I met, and try to leave a lasting legacy. Not mine, but my mother's. You see, she taught me how to live for Christ, and that's what I want to teach others, using words if necessary.

So, what would you do in your 30 days? Write it down, and put it into action. Live like you are supposed to live. Make a difference for Christ.

Familia

Jose — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 14:17:43 +0000

I am sitting in my sister’s living room in Beecher watching tv with my niece. I made the trek to spend time with my family on Valentine’s Day. Nicole has to work all weekend, so I came alone.

I came to surround myself with family today. Mom passed away 11 years ago today, and I wanted to celebrate her memory with family.

I’m homeseick, but in Christ there are no goodbyes. In Christ, there is no end.

I’ll see her again.

Te amo mucho Ama.

Slowing Down

Jose — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 11:01:34 +0000

Many of you have noted that life has been really hectic for me the last few months, and I thank you for your concerns. November was filled with schoolwork, ministry, getting the house ready for guests, and anything else you can think of. Now that Thanksgiving has passed, things have slowed down a lot, and I am thankful for the break God has provided. I have one more week in my Christian Ethics class before a two week break until my Old Testament Poetry and Prophecy class starts. Two weeks may not sound like a long time, but in the CALL program, it's like a summer break. I will take the time to work ahead on my online class and try to finish that up before January just to take a breather (although I could take the time to work on my final for 30 days…I might have to consider that). Anyways, January will be here before you know it, and it's going to get busy again with planning the Mexico trip (with the added bonus of coordinating with three other churches), high school ministry, and everything else. The two main people that keep me sane are God and Nicole, and the quality time I spend with them. Everything else flows from that.

Monument Circle

Jose — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 22:25:02 +0000

We went downtown for dinner with Nicole's family tonight. We went to Harry & Izzy's and had a great meal. Afterwards we walked down to Monument Circle to check out the lights. Now we're home and getting ready for bed. We love spending time with family and we're thankful they were able to come out for a long weekend.