My Lifesong

I just got my grade for Old Testament history, and it’s an A-.  I should be happy, and really, I am.  I just know that it should have been an A.  I didn’t do my best on one third of my final, and my grade reflects that.  I started out alright on the paper, but midway I lost focus and the end result was not my best work.  So it earned a B.  And it brought my grade down. 

I keep asking myself as to why it’s bothering me.  It shouldn’t.  I can understand if I was still in high school.  I was ultracompetitive back then when it came to grades.  But that was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.  Right now, I’m coming up on my 33rd birthday.  My grades don’t give me an identity.  My identity is in God.  And I think that is the crux of the matter.  By not doing my best, I feel as if I let Him down, and that bothers me.

I know that I didn’t, that God doesn’t see it that way.  But it’s how I feel.  I know deep down that it’s my own sense of unworthiness that is making me feel this way.  Satan is whispering in my ear that I failed…but God is shouting that He loves me the way that I am and that He’s proud of me.  And in the end, that’s all that matters.  So, I’ll take my A- and move on.  God has more in store for me.

Well, last week I finished my third class (Old Testament History) in the CALL Program. It was a little easier than Basic Bible Doctrine, but not by much. I am surprised at how much I have retained with as much reading as I’ve done in the last 10 weeks. Still, school has been very enjoyable and I am having a great time with it. I will admit to being a huge nerd, so school has always been enjoyable. Add the fact that it’s the path that God has put me on, and it’s a real fun time.

Next up, Evangelism and Small Groups!! In the immortal words of Rick Ferguson – “BRING IT!!!”