Time flies. These two have really kept us on our toes.
This is somewhere around 11,500 feet above sea level.
This past October, I posted this photo to facebook with the description “My dad and I….reunited after 18 years.” Several people had asked about the story behind it all, and I always meant to share it, but I kept putting it off. There were some things I still needed to deal with, and I wanted to see where things went with my father and I. In the time between then and now, I’ve also noticed the change that Mateo has effected on me. Well, I am ready to share.
It is said that time heals all wounds, and I do believe that. I’ve never been shy in sharing that my dad and I barely had a relationship. He left my family when I was 7 years old, and he hung around in the periphery. As a child, I didn’t understand why he left, and I tried to have a relationship with him, but things never lasted. We tried several times, but the results were always the same. Eventually, I stopped trying. Oh, I made efforts, but they were half-hearted at best. I just didn’t think anything would come of it.
When dad filed for divorce from my mom, I urged her to sign them as quickly as possible. I wanted her to be free to move on, and in a way, I saw my opportunity as well. A decade had passed from the time he had left, so I told my mom that it was time. Dad remarried after that, and life went on.
We talked a few times on the phone, but they were very short calls. When I was at MIT, I did ask him to buy me a computer, and he did. To be honest, I was surprised, but thankful. When dad and my step-mom (Monica) had Roy, I was happy for them, but I stayed away. As the years passed, I was jealous of Roy, and the life dad was providing for him. I had those questions – “why him? why not me?” Later on, when they had Viviana, I realized I stopped asking those questions. I realized that I wanted to have that relationship again. Or at least try.
Along the way, I had forgiven my dad. I didn’t care about the past. Too many years had passed. Jesus helped me in dealing with the pain, the hurt, the muck.
Then God blessed Nicole and I with Mateo, and He taught me another lesson. I learned what it means to be a dad. I love Mateo dearly,and I have gone through a wide range of emotions. I have laughed, loved, and worried. We are blessed that I am able to stay home with Mateo, and it has been rewarding. I have played, read, fed, cleaned, soothed, consoled…you get the idea. Along the way, my desire to reach out and repair broken relationships got stronger. Especially the one with my dad. Ever since I met my little brother Roy in July 2011, I have had it in my head to try again. When Mateo was born, we sent my dad’s family an announcement. I heard from my older
sister and brothers that it made dad happy. He called me to offer congratulations, and I was happy. So, when we planned Mateo’s dedication, I sent dad an invitation. I didn’t expect him to attend, but we wanted him to know. When we had the RSVPs, my sister Linda and her family said they were coming down.
They arrived on Saturday, and we said our hellos. Nicole’s family was already here, so everyone caught up while passing Mateo around. Then my sister asked me to help her bring in her computer from the car, and I asked why my nephew David couldn’t do it. She said her reason (I don’t remember what it was, but I do remember rolling my eyes, so it must have been weak.) Not wanting to argue – or get beaten – I said sure. We walked out front, and Linda made the comment that she was going to buy the house next door to us, and without looking, I explained that it wasn’t for sale. The For Sale sign was for the next house. She then said, no, I’m buying that house and pointed to my left. By this point I was in the street, so I turned and saw my dad standing there.
My dad. Right there. Smiling.
Suddenly, the years melted away. I felt like a toddler running to his daddy. I don’t know how long we hugged, and I don’t care. I just know that my dad was there. I finally got to meet my stepmom, and my little sister. My two brothers were there, along with Chuy’s family. It was the first time in many, many years that we were all in one place. When we walked in the house, I couldn’t wait for Mateo to meet his abuelo. Although it was initially rocky (Mateo cried for a moment. We aren’t sure why), they quickly bonded.
That weekend was a great. We reconciled. We bonded. We started the rebuilding process.
In the time since then, my dad and I have talked on the phone several times. We’ve kept in touch. He always sends greetings and love to Mateo and Nicole. He sends greetings to my in-laws as well.
I’m happy with this. We’ve moved on with our relationship. And I look forward to seeing where it goes.
Has it been easy? No. But Jesus has been leading me the whole way. He is teaching me to be a better father. One of those lessons lies in being a better son. Forgiveness, reconciliation, love.
What else will I learn?
“And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers” (Malachi 4:6a ESV)
This weekend we took our first road trip as a family. We went up to Beecher to celebrate our nephew David’s graduation from high school. It would be an understatement to say that we were scared of what to expect. Sure, we’ve traveled a lot together, but never with a child, let alone one who is two months old. We double, triple, and quadruple checked to make sure we had everything we needed. Pack and play, clothes, diapers – if we thought we needed it, we packed it. We loaded up the Outback and headed north. Our trip was pretty uneventful – Mateo slept most of the way. He woke up to eat and that’s about it.
Linda was overjoyed to spend time with her nephew. He liked her too.
The party was Sunday, and as we’re getting ready, I realized that I had not packed the polo I was going to wear. I guess we did forget a thing or two. We took a quick trip to Kohl’s, and we were back in business. The party was great. Mateo was busy looking at everything, but he did get overstimulated. He was so tired on Monday, he slept most of the day, and he had the worst outburst last night we’ve experienced with him so far. Still, it was a great trip. We love spending time with family – it has a way of recharging a person.
Our first trip was a great success, and we are so proud of our little man.
Well, it’s been two weeks since I left PNC to stay home with Mateo. I’ve started my new part time job at CVS, and the end of school is on the horizon (come on December!!). Staying at home is a challenge, but a rewarding one. I get to hang out and take care of Mateo, but I also have to learn how to do things like laundry and stuff. I hate calling or texting Nicole to ask how to do something, but it’s better than leaving it waiting for her. That wouldn’t be fair. Still, I have gotten to be a pro at washing Mateo’s diapers and clothes (not at the same time!)
Mateo’s diapers? Yes, we are cloth diapering. We are using the Fuzzibunz Elite, and we love them. They’re really absorbent, but if we don’t pay attention, Mateo can exceed their capabilities. I’ve changed several shirts because of that. Well, pee and vomit. Little stinker has a penchant for puking on me when I think he’s done burping. It’s a Mexican standoff at times. I wait him out, and Mateo gets the better of me more often than not. All I can do is laugh, And change my shirt more often than a teenage girl on a Traders Point Spring Break trip.
I won’t lie and say I’m not scared about this whole thing. I worry about making sure he’s fed, changed, entertained, rested, protected – everything. I want to do my best by Mateo, but I don’t want to become a helicopter dad. All I can do is to do my best, all the while following God’s lead.
Oh, before you ask – I haven’t played any video games since I stopped working full time. I’ve caught up on a few TV shows, but mostly I hang out in the kitchen or living room with Mateo, and enjoy every minute of it. Well, I do homework while he’s sleeping. But sometimes, I do stop and watch him sleep.
So, it’s a new adventure, and we are going to enjoy every minute of it.
This past weekend, I was fortunate to meet my little brother Roy. He’s 14-years old. And I met him for the first time last week Wednesday.
It’s not his fault. It’s partially mine. Partially our father’s. I don’t have a relationship with my dad. We rarely talk. I haven’t seen him in at least 16 years. When he left, he left. I tried to have a relationship with him…but it seems to be a one-sided notion.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve accepted the situation and I’ve moved on. I have a Heavenly Father to whom I turn to, who holds me and loves me. God has placed friends and family in my life to let me know how much He loves me.
Don’t get me wrong, I do love my father. We just don’t have a relationship.
And because of that, I’ve never considered my little brother or sister. Roy is 14, and he is the spitting image of me. Some of his habits and mannerisms are the same. It’s uncanny. And I’ve yet to meet Vivi. She’s 4 going on 5. And I’ve stayed out of their lives. Not maliciously. Not to hurt them. Just didn’t think I was wanted.
Roy changed all that. He let my older siblings know that he wanted to meet me. To have a relationship with me. So I called him. Started the process. We talked. Connected on facebook.
And last weekend, we met. Our older brother – Chuy – came up to visit our sister Linda. They stopped by here a few days before heading north. Roy stayed with me through Saturday and we drove up to Beecher to meet up with everyone else. It was a fun time. I think we connected well. And I hope it’s the start of some healing that I need.
You see, in my efforts to stop the hurt and the pain, I shuttered some things deep inside of me. Even though God has redeemed me, I still carry this around. I never realized the extent until this happened. And all I can do is turn it over to God, let Him have it, and wait for Him to work on me some more.
I think this all happened before the trip for a reason. God has broken me down for a reason. Again. Cause every year, He does this to me. And I’m good with that, cause I know that in the Potter’s Hands, I’m alright.